Connecting Communication and the use of power

Connecting Communication aims to put people fully in their strength and goes for a wholehearted and voluntary ‘yes’. Submission does not lead to such a wholehearted ‘yes’. And yet, sometimes it is necessary to use power against people’s will.

How to use power?

In Connecting Communication, we distinguish between two forms of using power.

The first form is called ‘power over’. Here, the stronger party imposes their will on the less strong. In a work context, this usually results in lower quality because the work is done to avoid punishment or reprisals, or in the hope of getting a reward. The source of motivation is, in other words, external.

The second form is called ‘power with’. The intention here is to search for solutions together, in connection. Everyone receives acknowledgement for their needs, consciously chooses whether or not to do something, and stays in their strength. The motivation to do something lies with the people themselves and is internal. In a work environment, this means that people do their work in a motivated way, from a need to do something meaningful, to have enjoyment… With ‘power with’, people feel like doing something because what they do is in line with their needs.

Does this mean you should ask for everything you want from others with a request?

How do you, as a leader, make sure that the unpleasant work also gets done? How do you ensure that employees follow certain procedures? How do you make sure everyone still wants to come to work on time? How do you give assignments where the person carrying them out has little or no choice to bring in their own creativity? A key starting point in Connecting Communication is that nobody has the power to make others do anything. There is therefore no guarantee that if you impose something on someone, they will actually do it, even if you were to threaten them with death, so to speak. What someone does is done because the person chooses to. Yet people often follow orders simply because they want to avoid conflict with their boss, or because they want to keep their job. The underlying needs at that moment include harmony, certainty and safety.

How do you give assignments to employees in a connecting way?

You do this by describing as clearly as possible what you expect from an employee. Give a clear framework about what the employee may decide themselves and how the work fits into a bigger picture. Describe the details you consider relevant for the quality of the work. Then check whether the other person is willing to carry out the assignment in this specific way. If the employee agrees, you can assume they want to do the work as you ask. If they do not agree, listen to their objections and see whether they can be addressed.

What do you do with an employee who does not want to carry out a particular task as you ask?

When an employee indicates they do not want to carry out an assignment, it makes sense to listen to the reasons and to explore the underlying need. Perhaps the person does not feel safe enough, or they have too little prior knowledge or training to complete the task. Depending on the needs that are lacking, you as a leader can adjust the assignment or the job description. Extra safety measures could be arranged, for example, or the employee could be accompanied by an experienced colleague. Or the conversation may lead you to look for a role that is a better fit for the employee.

And what do you do when work is not carried out as you want?

Here it is important to take time beforehand to reflect on what bothers you and what is missing in the employee’s work, and on what good reasons the employee might have for not performing the work as you asked. This reflection is excellent preparation for giving feedback in a connecting way. Approach the person from the belief that they did the best they could within their possibilities. They may have been lacking skills, insights or information… When giving feedback, also look at the other person’s good intentions. Say clearly, using observation language, what bothers you, where you are coming from, and what you would like to see done differently. When sharing this kind of information, it is important to check whether the other person has understood what you mean. You may ask the employee to repeat what they heard. And you listen again to any objections they might have.

And what do you do with an employee who does not want to do an assignment because they do not find it enjoyable?

First, you can thank the employee for the honesty and courage to communicate this. This puts you in a position as a leader to consider having someone else carry out the assignment. Having someone carry out an assignment against their wishes can be detrimental to the quality of the work. Not wanting to do a particular task always has an underlying reason. In Connecting Communication, we want to pay attention to this by exploring the underlying needs. Does the employee find the task too monotonous? Perhaps you can offer variety or perspective on a more diverse role. Does the employee not see the meaning of the job? Then it may suffice to provide the information that gives the task its significance within a bigger picture. And sometimes it is enough to just listen and offer empathy: to acknowledge that something is difficult and unpleasant. This often creates the space to let go of frustrations and get back to work.

And yet, some employees cannot be motivated no matter what you try… The way an employee approaches life and their personal history mean that right now they are not in the right place within the organisation. Dismissing an employee in a dignified and respectful way is sometimes the only solution… The farewell is seen as a form of protective use of power (see also below). The focus is on looking after the interests of the organisation while still treating employees in a respectful, humane way.

Protective use of power

What do you do with employee behaviour that does not fit the culture of an organisation? What do you do with an employee who steals? What do you do about bullying? What do you do with someone who uses physical violence to reinforce their opinion? What do you do about other unethical behaviour? How can an organisation respond from a Connecting Communication perspective to employees who breach fundamental rules?

We advocate for the protective use of power towards people who are not willing to take into account the interests and values of the organisation. This means that leaders do not direct their formal power at punishing an employee. Instead, the focus of using power is on protecting the other employees and the values and interests of the organisation.

The ‘protective’ use of power differs in a number of ways from the ‘punitive’ use of power. In the table below you will find a few examples.