The Missing Link. A Call for More Connection in Politics.

When I see how effective Nonviolent Communication is in organisations and how Connective Decision-Making is embraced as a wonder tool in our trainings, I wonder how we can reach more politicians too.

When I see statements made by politicians, I get worried. It seems as though insulting and discrediting political opponents has become the recipe for getting media attention. And when I hear how things go in municipal councils or parliamentary deliberations, I’m taken aback once more.

A bitter debate culture often means there’s little left of democratic deliberation. Opposition parties paint governing coalitions as though they have nothing but dark intentions. Mud-slinging apparently is an important skill politicians need to master if they want to hold their own in the political arena. Or is it journalists and reporters who trigger our policymakers into making bold statements?

But every now and then, there are politicians who take the time to learn the straightforward effectiveness of Nonviolent Communication. It’s encouraging to see how enthusiastically these people head off to their councils and party offices, full of good courage.

A recent participant from a traditional party said that if he gets re-elected, he wants to propose Connective Decision-Making as the leading deliberation structure for political decisions. He wants to use Nonviolent Communication to strengthen his own party caucus internally and to develop a strong strategy through dialogue. At his request, we’re listing the advantages for politicians here. (If you’d like to know who inspired me to write this piece, search for ‘Molenbeek’ and ‘Damme’.)

Nonviolent Communication in politics ensures that:

• You can communicate your opinion clearly and effectively, especially by not making reproaches.
• You can convey the essence of your message in few words.
• You find sustainable solutions to conflicts by first focusing on the needs and values you want to fulfil. Solutions then go further than making compromises where too much water is added to the wine.
• You learn to listen to the needs and values of your opponent. It’s only by listening with understanding that a real dialogue becomes possible.

Connective Decision-Making in politics ensures that:

• Decisions are sustainable and contribute to long-term solutions. This prevents new legislatures from questioning the laws and decisions of the previous one.
• Decisions are broadly supported because proposals are refined to the point where minorities and opposition can also find themselves in the outcomes.
• The dialogue in Connective Decision-Making ensures that agreements, decisions and laws take care of the needs and values of all parties involved.

I believe we are gradually moving towards a politics where we engage in genuine dialogue with each other, and that Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for the current generation.

Many ‘self-evident’ achievements are the result of policymakers who invested dedication and idealism, a great deal of their time and life energy, in a society where people can feel at home.

I wish every politician the resilience to engage in dialogue and develop policies that take into account the interests of the ‘other’. Looking after yourself works best, after all, when you also consider what the other person needs.

That’s why at Human Matters we want to inspire as many people as possible: in organisations, businesses and schools… and hopefully in politics too.

Erwin Tielemans