Feedback through Nonviolent Communication

It’s stating the obvious to say that feedback is a necessity for learning in organisations. Yet we often see that feedback is lacking, and both managers and employees are at a loss without it. In this text you’ll find inspiration to open the door to feedback and to knock where you have a message to deliver.

Starting points

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is based on a positive view of human nature. People are self-determining beings who, through their actions and words, try to fulfil their needs. Besides many other needs, autonomy, competence, respect and clarity are important in a work context. They are essential for the intrinsic motivation of employees.

Feedback from an NVC perspective aims to motivate employees. Those who give feedback from this perspective count on the self-learning and self-organising capacity of employees, drawing on the power of genuine human contact. Giving feedback through NVC leaves the other person’s dignity intact. It provides information in an effective way and inspires the receiver to actually do something with it.

How does it work?

Connecting feedback always starts with a reflection on myself as the feedback giver. What do I see or hear that makes me feel the way I feel right now? Which needs and values are falling short? What can I do about it? What can the other person do?

From this self-reflection, I choose my words carefully as a feedback giver. I avoid blame and judgments and stick to the facts. I name the value or need I’m speaking from. And I express what I’d like the other person to do. The compact, clear and respectful formulation usually invites the other person to respond constructively. A dialogue based on equality typically results in a clear agreement that both parties can stand behind.

An example

When everyone is asked to start saving all documents on a shared drive following a specific structure, one employee’s documents barely change. Even after repeated requests, the manager finds only a limited set of old documents. The tension between the manager and the employee is palpable.

When the manager takes a moment to notice what he observes and feels, he realises he’s angry and feels dependent on his employees to give everyone access to all documents and to work more flexibly. At the same time, he’s concerned about the good relationship with the employee in question. Working through the situation enables the manager to enter the conversation calmly, explain what matters to him, and remain open to the employee’s response.

Giving, asking for, and receiving feedback, and the manager’s role as example

Few things are as stifling as a manager who avoids giving feedback out of fear of offending employees or creating dependency and favouritism. A manager who anxiously tries to meet every stakeholder’s expectations becomes paralysed and will ultimately disappoint everyone. As human beings, we rely on feedback to align ourselves with our environment, even though that need can manifest very differently at different moments and for different people. With a bit of awareness about the person and what they need in a given situation, you’ll go a long way toward making sure the feedback actually lands. And Nonviolent Communication helps to clear up any ambiguities along the way.

When you give feedback as a manager, you also implicitly signal that it’s OK to ask for feedback, that you’re approachable when it comes to your personal perspective on employees’ behaviour within the organisation. And that approachability is worth its weight in gold for new employees who want to learn.

Beyond that, as a manager you can also model asking for and receiving feedback. By asking for feedback and receiving it as a gift, you not only make clear that you value your employees’ ideas and want to take them into consideration, but you also get to know your employees better and keep a finger on the pulse when it comes to how your behaviour is perceived within the organisation.

Organisational culture as fertile ground for learning from feedback

An organisation that takes care of the intrinsic motivation of employees and has an eye for diverse talents is an ideal context for feedback to lead to learning and success. In such organisations, there’s no need to fixate on “fixing” shortcomings. Instead, the strengths of employees can be aligned with one another.

Ideally, built-up expertise is put to use, shared and further challenged. Uncertainties and mistakes can be named without fear of losing trust. This openness ensures that people truly see, appreciate and support one another.

A good balance between appreciative and corrective feedback is called for. Exclusively appreciative feedback misses the opportunity to steer things in a different direction. But one-sided corrective feedback leaves the benefits of encouragement and recognition on the table.

In summary

1. Feedback from an NVC perspective starts with reflection on yourself as the feedback giver.
2. From this self-reflection, you choose your words carefully. You avoid blame and judgments and stick to the facts. You name the value or need you’re speaking from. And you express what you’d like the other person to do.
3. Feedback from an NVC perspective is based on equality and typically results in good agreements that both parties can stand behind.
4. As a manager, you can play an important role in giving feedback its rightful place.
5. A focus on strengths makes it possible to deploy talents in creative ways.
6. Openness about uncertainties and mistakes helps people get to know each other and be in a position to support one another.